


Cosi fan tutte -- a Limerick

by PoorMissFinch



Category: Così fan tutte - Mozart/Da Ponte
Genre: Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Implied Relationships, Multi, Secret Relationship, Unhealthy Relationships, fidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:53:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoorMissFinch/pseuds/PoorMissFinch
Summary: A limerick version of one of my favorite operas, one that quite frankly, has confused the heck out of me since the age of 16.
Relationships: Don Alfonso/everyone (Cosi fan tutte), Dorabella/Ferrando (Così fan tutte), Dorabella/Guglielmo (Così fan tutte), Ferrando/Fiordiligi (Così fan tutte), Ferrando/Guglielmo (Cosi fan tutte), Fiordiligi/Guglielmo (Così fan tutte)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 4





	Cosi fan tutte -- a Limerick

**Author's Note:**

> Scene by scene, lol. It's longer than the Don Carlo limerick I wrote and maybe longer than the actual opera!
> 
> This is my first post. Be gentle.

Two youths and an aging roué  
Set the scene for Cosi' fan tutte  
The best friends discuss  
Their love and their trust  
In two sisters, their own fiancées

“…Dorabella capace non e . . . “  
“. . .Fiordiligi betray me? No way! . . .”  
“Girls love on a whim,”  
Don Alfons says to them,  
“And yours, too, have feet made of clay.”

Ferrando is taken aback.  
Guglielmo is set to attack.  
They’ll bet hard-earned monies  
On the reps of their honeys.  
Conviction and pride they don’t lack.

Hands shaken the wager’s all set  
One hundred sequins for the bet  
That in 24 hours  
Their loves will not sour  
And Alfonso will be in their debt

Two sisters they moan and they sigh  
While holding two portraits up high.  
“Ah guarda sorella  
What a strong handsome fella  
Pure male perfection, oh my."

Don A rushes in on this scene  
“I've bad news, please do not think me mean.  
Don’t be appalled,  
But your boys have been called  
To the front lines – it wasn’t foreseen!"

Guglielmo and Ferrando appear  
To say “'bye” to the girls they hold dear.  
There is mutual clinging  
And into-arms-flinging  
Don Alfonso watches with a jeer.

The foursome is filled with dolor  
As the two soldiers go off to the “war”  
Soave sia il vento  
Is the trio’s lamento  
As the ship pulls away from the shore.

The boys think they’ve easily won  
Their faith'is bigger than the sun  
-You think they’ll stay true  
When two more come to woo?  
I’ll prove you wrong when it’s over and done.

The girls are so sad that they cry  
And want to curl up and just die  
-What if there’s an attack  
And our men don’t come back?-  
Their life and their love’s now awry

Despina’s been ‘round the block a few times  
Into their moping she breaks in and chimes:  
-Your guys are yesterday’s news  
No point in singing the blues  
Young men are dozens for dimes.

Don A needs the help of the maid.  
For money, Despina will aid.  
His plan is so clever  
She will help his endeavor  
‘cause her mistresses are way too staid.

The soldiers come back in disguise  
The girls Guglielmo does advise:  
“Admire our noses,  
Moustaches and toeses”  
He stops short at revealing his thighs.

Fiordiligi has a great big fit  
-We don’t care for your flirting one whit!  
We want you to go!  
Fine moustaches or no!-  
Dorabella unwinds just a bit.

Despina thinks they are naïve  
To flirt does not mean to deceive  
And to think men stay true  
Once they make their adieu  
That’s the stupidest thing to believe!

The “Albanians” are in such despair  
That the girls get a suicide scare  
Boys’ breathing arrested  
From “poison” ingested  
The girls send up a few prayers

A doctor is called right away  
To save the Albanians’ day  
It’s Despina disguised  
And the boys mesmerized  
By a magnet that holds “Death” at bay.

The “Albanians” now woo in earnest  
Hoping that the girls will protest  
Guglielmo and Dorabelle  
Go off for a spell  
Leaving Ferrando with the sister who’s sternest.

Guglielmo has a seductive plan  
Get the miniature off her if he can  
Dorabella’s easily led  
To take his heart instead  
And gives up the likeness of her man.

Ferrando has a much harder course  
Since Fiordiligi is filled with remorse  
But he does have success  
With the impenetr'ble fortress  
Without having to use that much force.

All defenses are now broken down  
And wedding plans will now abound  
The girl’s plan to marry  
Each other’s fiance’  
Still disguised in Albanian gowns.

The weddings are fully destroyed  
The contracts deemed null and void  
When the fiancés rush in  
With a show of chagrin  
Their trust is deceived and destroyed

Don Alfonso’s plan is exposed  
Despina’s role is disclosed  
Don Alfon's won the dough  
Pitting beau against beau.  
The victims are all discomposed.

They are shocked that Despina’s so callus;  
That Alfonso is filled with such malice.  
As for the foursome, go figure  
How the couples configure  
They might swing like Bob, Ted, Carol, Alice.


End file.
